Quotes on Humor

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.”
― Cassandra Clare

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
― George Carlin

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
― Voltaire

“Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!”
― J.K. Rowling

“I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.”
― Arthur C. Clarke

“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”
― Mo Willems

“Say ‘provoking’ again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.”
― Becca Fitzpatrick

“Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die.”
― Rick Riordan

“Oh well… I’d just been thinking, if you had died, you’d have been welcome to share my toilet.”
― J.K. Rowling

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
― Mark Twain

“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”
― Terry Pratchett

“It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”
― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

“Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?”
― J.K. Rowling

“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn’t make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)”
― Cassandra Clare

“Deadlines just aren’t real to me until I’m staring one in the face.”
― Rick Riordan

“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
― Narcotics Anonymous

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
― Jane Austen

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
― Garrison Keillor

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

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